The Premier League is dubbed the most unpredictable competition in Europe. 

Yet Manchester City have won five of the last six titles and most people can successfully name at least two of the teams that will be relegated before each season starts. 

To prove just how by-the-numbers the English top flight is, here is our attempt to predict what fans can expect to see in 2024. 

January

Arsenal sign Ivan Toney from Brentford. Despite not having played since May, he outscores the Gunners' entire forward line by February.  

Tottenham go on a spending spree to boost their threadbare squad. There is not a single signing that does not have to be Googled by Danny Rose. 

February

City finally put their metaphorical fags out, getting back to the business of winning every week and actually keeping clean sheets. 

Premier League leaders Liverpool and second-place Arsenal both develop a spate of neck injuries as they collectively look over their shoulders. 

March

Sheffield United sack Chris Wilder and replace him with Paul Heckingbottom as they continue their strategy of only appointing managers who already possess personalised training gear. 

Vincent Kompany steadfastly refuses to move on from his curious tactic of trying to play like City with Burnley's squad. 

April

Everton's appeal is successful and they are reunited with their 10 deducted points. They move ahead of Manchester United in the table. 

The Red Devils respond to this stark reminder of how poor this season has been by sacking Erik ten Hag. Graham Potter begins a doomed tenure at Old Trafford. 

May

City are the shock winners of the Premier League title as having the strongest squad in the country and the best manager in the world surprisingly pays off. 

The three clubs that had the smallest budgets and the least talented groups of players at the start of the season are all relegated. 

June

Roy Hodgson's plan to spend less time with his grandchildren hits a snag when Crystal Palace replace him with Steve Cooper. 

After missing out on the Champions League, Newcastle sack Eddie Howe and appoint Jose Mourinho as manager despite ample evidence that he is no longer a Special One. 

July

Brighton flog all of their best players and replace them with teenagers from Bolivia, who turn out to be equally as good. 

Just when Nuno Espirito Santo has finally learned the names of everyone in his 54-man squad, Nottingham Forest sell 19 of them and bring in 27 replacements. 

August

Angeball continues to be a work in progress after Tottenham are involved in the Premier League's first 6-6 draw. 

Liverpool instantly regret their decision to sell Mohamed Salah to a random Saudi Pro League side.

September

Mauricio Pochettino is sacked after a poor start to the season. Chelsea decide to be honest and brand all future head coaches as an interim appointment. 

There is a shock when Ipswich's brand of free-flowing football does not work so well against teams that have much better players than them. 

October

West Ham fans are still not sold on the style of play under David Moyes despite him being the club's most successful manager since Ron Greenwood.

Aston Villa's Unai Emery once again saves money on a Halloween costume thanks to his year-round devotion to looking like Dracula. 

November

The final United supporter who still remembers that Mason Mount plays for them forgets that he plays for them. 

Leicester and Leeds fans realise that the Championship was more fun and begin to question the futility of life. 

December

Arsenal have a 10-point lead at the top of the Premier League. Only Ty from AFTV actually believes that they will win the title. 

City are well off the pace and start to consider the alternative tactic of simply winning the last 19 games of the season.